The Nightmare Called Reality
by xxStargazer
Summary: Why exactly did Jesse look at Rachel sadly during Artie's rendition of 'Dream a Little Dream of Me' in 1x19 Dream On?  Jesse's thoughts during the performance. One-Shot.


Title: The Nightmare Called Reality

Rating: T

Summary: Why exactly did Jesse look at Rachel sadly during Artie's rendition of 'Dream a Little Dream of Me'? Jesse's thoughts during the performance. One-Shot.

A/N: I am aware that I have not updated 'Blame It On the Elevator', trust me when I say it's been almost ready for weeks but I'm not satisfied with it. 'Back to the Start' will be updated soon. I am kind of in love with that plot , and of course Jesse St. James redemption. Hope you enjoy this!

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_Stars shining bright above you_

_Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you"_

_Birds singin' in the sycamore trees_

_Dream a little dream of me_

I should be focusing on the fact that Tina and Mike's dancing is probably going to be mediocre at best, but I'm not. The truth is, I'm kind of depressed, and Artie's melancholy rendition of 'Dream a Little Dream of Me' is not helping.

Wait.

Why is Rachel looking so sad? I'm supposed to be the sad one. After all, my dream is being crushed, not hers. I thought finding her mom was her dream. Was she disappointed? Did I destroy her dream?

_Say nighty-night and kiss me_

_Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me_

_While I'm alone and blue as can be_

_Dream a little dream of me_

These lyrics are making me more and more depressed. I think this is the last time I'm going to really be with Rachel. So once this is over I am going to be alone and I am going to be as blue as can be.

Look at me, I sound pathetic. Has she really changed me that much? I mean, since when has Rachel been my dream? And why are Tina and Mike even bothering to dance? Honestly it's just a distraction from the serene quality of this song.

Snap out of it St. James.

Focus.

It's not like you actually care about the quality of any New Directions performance. You're going back to Vocal Adrenaline, where you belong.

But at the same time, I know I don't want this song to end (mediocre or not). I just want to drown in my melancholia because I know when I get home I'm just going to blast Sondheim's most depressing songs on repeat.

_Stars shining up above you_

_Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"_

_Birds singin' in the sycamore trees_

_Dream a little dream of me_

It's happening.

It's really happening. I'm really going to leave Rachel. I know I told her that I had some major UCLA stuff to take care of (thus explaining my absence from school for the next few days), but to be honest I need some time alone.

My reality is a nightmare. It's far from a dream. I thought this experience would help me because it sounded like the greatest acting exercise to further develop my talent for UCLA. But it wasn't.

And I blame you Rachel Berry, for this fact. Why did your voice sound flawless in 'Don't Rain On My Parade'? Why did your voice have to blend perfectly with mine? Why is it that every time you speak to me, I know that I don't have my show face on, even though I try to convince myself that I do?

Why do you haunt my thoughts? Why are you infiltrating my dreams of stardom and grandeur?

_Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you_

_Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you_

_But in your dreams whatever they be_

_Dream a little dream of me_

Fame and success are supposed to be my ultimate dream, but since I've met you, images of a beautiful brunette singing beside me have invaded.

I know deep down, why you've become a part of my dream. It's just like I said. A dream is supposed to fill up the emptiness inside, so all the hurt will go away. And you did that, even though I know I will never admit that to you.

But the dream of you and me will never come true, because this is reality and in my reality I know I will have to betray you. In fact, I've been betraying you the whole span of this relationship.

So what's the point of dreaming?

Instead, let's focus on inevitabilities, things that are destined to be.

And if I have any say in inevitabilities, I know that we will meet again Rachel Berry.

_Yes, dream a little dream of me_

I love you.


End file.
